Change is coming

Someone once said that a change is as good as a rest. That will be last time I mention the changes I am making in the same breath as the word rest.

I am embarking on a personal challenge. A challenge of both willing and will power. A challenge that could be truly life changing.

I'm taking on a rigorous exercise and nutrition programme.

But why would any self-respecting student undertake a programme that involved no alcohol and not even a sniff of fast food? Well not solely because I want to lose weight. Not even because I want to give my appearance a 'face-lift'. And definitely not because it is a new year and I want a new start.

Lethargy is a disease that can creep in to every day life and cripple progress. I want to banish it from my life. I am now six months from graduating and it is time that I must fulfill my potential. I want to be fit, active, proactive and healthy.

I have attempted health kicks and diets before but all of those were vanity projects. The problem with vanity projects? In order for them to work you have to be vain.

I am an arrogant man, but not vain. I have always considered personality and intelligence worth more than appearance, something that is obviously lost on most of my 'peers' at the University of Bedfordshire.

So this new programme is different. I have recognised that laziness and unhealthiness are holding me back and I'm about to unshackle the fast-food, beer and fried food chains.

Take this blog for example, it's always been brilliant so why would I stop writing it? Because I couldn't be bothered. Why have I not been putting my comedic brain to good use and writing the next big sitcom? Too lazy. And why have I not been down the gym sculpting the body that this beautiful face deserves? Too busy eating.

So I have utilised my friends in high places to acquire the nutritional programme of a Premier League footballer. The same friend has devised a gruelling exercise plan to supplement this (I say gruelling, it isn't that bad but I'm scared if he reads this he'll make it harder).

Following the nutritional guide for an elite footballer is a daunting task but if an unimaginative, pampered millionaire can cope with it why can't I?

Basically it's all about meat. Meat and vegetables and not much else. Oh, I nearly forgot nuts. So meat, veg and nuts. Literally any slang words for male genitalia are considered good for you.

I went shopping for all these good foods today and it was a surreal experience. I walked past biscuits and sweets without stopping for the first time in my life and straight to the museli, that looks like it's been swept straight from the floor of a wood craft workshop. Then to the gluten free section for some pasta. And finally to an aisle that must have been designed with squirrels in mind. I never knew there were so many different types of nuts, seeds and dried fruit. I just grabbed the most interesting looking ones. Apparently I have to have a handful with each meal, which could be interesting if I have to put them on top of my museli. Surely that's too many nuts for any man, even one with testosterone levels like mine.

I proudly produced my goods in front of an uninterested, unimpressed middle-aged checkout woman named Denise. The glamour of a footballer's diet quickly evaporated.

Over the coming days and weeks I will be explaining what my diet and exercise routine consists of and how I am coping with it. I hope to prove that if a man that loves food as much as I do can do it then anyone can. Hopefully I might even become a Premier League footballer if I follow it (or at least pull a Page 3 model).

Tomorrow I start my four weekly circuit. Tonight I had my first proper meal of the programme. It consisted of chicken breast, brown rice and mixed veg. To say it was a taste sensation would be a lie, but you can't beat the taste of success.