Well, well, well blog fans it's been too long!
This is my first post in a long time and in the spirit of a new year I am freshening up the blog and dropping the "Now Let Me Tell You This" from each post. For those of you that know me you will be more than aware that I am fond of coining my own catchphrases but I feel that if I ever aspire to be a sucessful writer, in any capacity, I must do away with the gimmicks and let the excellent writing do the talking. Yes, that's right it may be a new year but I'm not dropping the arrogance!
As this is my first blog in a while forgive me if I'm rusty. I have attempted to apply WD40 to all those hard to reach areas so hopefully it won't be too bad.
I must start by giving a few shout outs. As I wrote that I realised how ridiculous it sounded. As a rule I tend to try and not write as if I'm Dave Lee Travis but rules are made to be broken. For those of you that don't know who DLT is just replace his name with Chris Moyles. And for any of you that try to draw parallels between me and Moyles remember that although we may both be fat I am actually funny and have charisma.
First I must mention my ample breasted friend Rosie. I stupidly neglected to mention her and the integral part she played in the fantastic weekend that was mentioned in the 'Escape To Victory' post. Her tremendous top heavy cuddles really do know how to put a smile on my face. She is a gem. A real poppet. She asked me not to mention that she struggles to hold down a relationship or keep a man so I will stop now before I do.
Next up are my flat mates. JLP aka The Chelper, Paul 'The Womanizer' Wilford and Bamber. They are all good eggs. In JLP's case I fear that one day she may actually turn in to an egg with the amount of boiled ones she eats.
Wilford is renowed for never waking up before 2pm and his uncanny impressions. He truly is the only man I know that can make a Hungarian who speaks with an American accent sound like a 60 year old Jamaican woman.
Bamber has a big fluffy head and when he is tired he looks Chinese. The only thing he can 'cook' is microwave meals in a microwave that doesn't rotate. This means that not only are the meals he eats full of preservatives they are also only hot one side.
Me and JLP have a complex relationship. It can only be likened to the relationship between James Bond and Ms Moneypenny. She is Bond's subordinate. There is smoldering sexual tension between them. Bond will never sleep with her because he is far too good for her. Moneypenny often makes a mean cup of tea for Bond. Ok, maybe the last bit was stretching the truth a little, JLP's teas are only average.
I have to be honest, at this point I really am struggling for blog material. I have written and deleted this next line about 5 times. Lots of things have happened recently but nothing inspirational enough to write about, not even the Fully Loaded meal I devoured on Saturday 17th January.
As a future journalist I need to start doing more work outside of my study. I should be finding original news stories. Investigating and writing these stories. I should basically be writing all the time but at the moment I am really struggling.
For this blog I could easily recall a story from my chequered past to amuse and entertain but I'm just not feeling in the story telling mood. I want to give you real time action blog fans, yet the only action I can speak of at the moment is the garlic chicken kiev's I just ate repeating on me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is boring at the moment. There was a time in life where I only felt secure when I was stuck in a mundane routine. Where risk was totally eradicated from my life but I have changed. I want to take more risks. I want to break from the norm. I want inspiration. It's time for me to embark on an adventure. A dangerous journey of self discovery. It's time for me to explore Luton!
